Sunday, May 31, 2009


Carnival of Elitist Bastards 1101

Lucky Carnival of Elitist Bastards 13 is walking under a ladder at En Tequila Es Verdad. To demonstrate the true value and importance of science and the critical thinking skills that Elitist Bastardry celebrates, there is this recipe for life on a research vessel:

The tools you need are simple: an electric drip coffee maker with hot plate, a coffee filter, 2 1-liter sample jars, 2 handkerchiefs, 2 rubber bands, and a source of clean (preferably R/O) water.

You'll have to be more creative with your ingredients. What you need are some sort of grain, some malt, and, if possible, something that can act as a clarifying and hopping agent. You need a simple grain to release the tannins, starches, and enzymes. The best bet is common cereals – Raisin Bran, Cracked Wheat, Kashi, whatever you can find. The fruit and nuts will add flavor, but are not important.

Malt is tricky, and sometimes gross. In my experience, the best you can hope for is vegemite, marmite, or some other yeast extract. If you have chocolate malt balls or some other malt based candy, those can be ground up and used as well.

The hops are the hardest, and you may have to forgo their goodness. Alfalfa or some other green roughage may work, but a clever biologist will bring their own hops on board.

Finally, you'll need to find some yeast. Most ships will have bakers' yeast. If you're very lucky they might have brewers' yeast. ...


A cool, smooth brew, flavored with whatever you found. It may be very bad, it may be good. It will be beer.


You are now the most popular person on the boat. Enjoy.

There's nothin' like watching science in action!


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